Anxiety, Sensitivity, and Enlightenment is Dumb

My neigong practice has been doing quite well lately, ever since the last post where I realized that what I’ve been doing wrong was that I was “trying” to do something. More specifically, I was “trying” to get my Dantian to light up. So since then, I’ve been simply sitting, observing my Dantian, and just allowing things to happen, experiencing every nuance and every sensation that comes along with it. Usually, I feel my Dantian heat up, and within minutes I feel that heat spread through my body and eventually filling up my head. It’s pretty interesting, and makes for some pretty interesting sensations, but then after a while I start feeling a little too much pressure in my head.

Like the other day, my head started feeling a little too much pressure, I had to do some light acupuncture on myself to relieve it. But it wasn’t enough, and I didn’t have time to give myself a full session, so I had to take an herbal formula from my sales stock and pound some of that, which helped. But interestingly enough, when I punctured my Yintang point (the third eye), it gave me a stronger than normal De Qi sensation (a sensation unique to acupuncture), and stayed red around the area and stimulated for a few days after I removed the needle. That normally doesn’t happen. I wonder what that means?

In any case, a couple things have been happening:

I’ve been feeling anxiety (with palpitations) for no reason at all for the past two weeks. I’m not stressed out, my diet is good, and I exercise. I’ve researched “anxiety and meditative practice” on google, and the only things that I find that might be relevant would be that sometimes when people have “awakenings” or have attained a level of “enlightenment,” anxiety might be a symptom that comes along with it. Which is interesting because whenever I do get that sensation that “everything is me,” or “I’m one with the universe,” my heart starts beating out of my chest.

Another thing that is happening is that I’m becoming much more sensitive to peoples’ energy. It sounds new-agey for sure, but I’m talking more in terms of my acupuncture practice. There are more and more instances that if I’m not blocking out people, I can actually feel their pain symptoms in myself. For instance, the other day I had a patient who came to my clinic asking me to treat her for chronic migraines. When I felt her pulse, I felt a headache coming on. When I asked her if she had a low-grade headache on side of her head, she said yes. There was another patient whom when I felt her pulse, I felt this rush of nervousness and my heart started racing. I asked her if she was nervous, she said yes. It’s happened to me a lot in the past, but nowadays much more frequently than before.

One more thing that’s been happening is that my craving for certain foods have been changing. I used to be the biggest meat eater you could imagine. Meat meat meat. Give me a prime rib, medium rare, and I was in heaven. But since the first week of November, I had this urge to be a vegetarian. No rhyme or reason, I just simply wanted to become a vegetarian. As a matter of fact, my body has been rejecting most animal flesh, except for some seafood. I’d feel sick after eating beef, chicken, pork, etc. Dairy is fine, but the thought of eggs has been disgusting to me lately. So strange, I used to love eggs up till a month ago. Perhaps my body just wants “higher frequency foods?”

In any case, I feel like my body is becoming more and more “tuned in.” I can feel things. Sometimes see things, like [energies?] [spirits?] and even hear things too. I’m trying not to be a phenomena seeker, I just wanna heal people. As far as that’s concerned, my treatment outcomes have been doing increasingly better, and my Qi projection has been doing really well. And although I’m still not sure exactly what I’m doing… I’m still getting good outcomes with my patients who I project Qi into.

It’s all pretty strange. But I welcome it. I like it. I love feeling like my body is vibrating so hard I get head pressure and chills. I feel like something is on the verge of happening, but I don’t know what, and really I don’t really care. I’m just enjoying it all.

It’s damn near impossible for me to sit and do Zuowang practice without it turning into Neigong. But really, is there a difference? My mind is still and my body has fallen off, yet I can feel every nuance of the world around me.

I still don’t really care about this “enlightenment” thing that everyone is seeking. I just enjoy my sittings and the good things that come out of them… like healing others due to my heightened senses, and having achieved a sense of inner peace that I never thought I’d have. I mean nothing gets to me as much as it used to. I used to be a super angry guy. Could it be that I’m just maturing? Maybe. But one things for sure, all of these changes started happening only after I’ve been doing my sittings religiously. My inward practice is important to me, but enlightenment isn’t. The results of my dedicated sittings are incredible. They’re very important to me because it helps others.

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2 thoughts on “Anxiety, Sensitivity, and Enlightenment is Dumb

  1. alexclarkewriter December 25, 2014 at 9:04 am Reply

    “My inward practice is important to me, but enlightenment isn’t.” – wise words indeed 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rebellious Qi December 26, 2014 at 6:01 pm Reply

      Thanks, that’s a tricky one to express, especially that so many people enter this spiritual practice with “enlightenment” in mind. I’m learning to just simply do the practice with no other goals than to simply doing the practice. Everything else just comes on its own, whatever those things may be 🙂

      Like

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