Then and Now

My New Year’s Resolution is the same as always: want less, have less, post less (twitter/facebook), write more (blogging), experience more, help more, and forgive more.

Last Year

Last year (2017) was a great year to learn some lessons and move forward. I was hit with a gigantic bout of depression and anxiety in the spring that came out of nowhere, and lasted all the way up into June. It was rough but I got through it, and it prompted me to seek out more ideas to get me through it all. There wasn’t a particular event that started it all, it just seems to occur every single Spring ever since I started getting very serious about energetic healing a few years ago. Ever since I started doing Qigong regularly for at least an hour a day, I’d go through weeks of “crap” that is a part of the healing process, and higher ascension of my consciousness. It sucks ass, but as soon as I crawl out of that hole, it feels amazing. Every year is a crucible, but every year I learn about a new vulnerability in my spirit that society has hacked its way through years ago, from which I can find strength and forgiveness and move on.

Today

Earlier today when I woke up and took a peek at my phone, I noticed a notification from one of my friends on one of my life events that occurred on this day, New Year’s Day, in 2006. It turns out he was referring to the day that my one and only vocal jazz album was released. It was so long ago, a lifetime ago, and just a quick little snapshot of what was to be a long journey to find my way in this world. That little snapshot though, was a microcosm of all the hopes and dreams I had since childhood, to – for once – feel like I’m a part of a larger community of the world by contributing art as I knew how. But I ended up feeling – once again – like a man alone.

More about it in my previous post here: Craving External Validation Sucks

Moving on from that, I learned since then that as a loner and an introvert, I’m more suited for the endeavors of the lone artist. Like now, my clinical practice is a sole proprietorship, and my favorite artistic hobby is writing. The most important lesson I learned after my “failed” jazz vocalist career is that the rat race for external validation can be a very unhealthy thing for many of us in ways that can lead us into disappointment, resentment, and depression.

So if you’re looking for any sort of New Year’s Resolution that’s healthy for your loner, introverted soul… then do what you love, not because you think that others might respect or love you for it, but because you have a deep and utter love of doing it. Draw/paint the things you want to see, write the stories you want to read, perform the music that you want to hear. In the end, it’s not what others think, it’s how genuinely “you” that you feel about yourself. It’s how genuine your path is. And who knows, the right people may just love you for that.

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