I just learned that my paternal grandmother passed away the other day. She was my last surviving grandparent on either side. I never really knew her. The only time I spent any quality time with her was back when I was five years old. All I remember was that she and my grandfather stayed with us for a short time back then. She cooked, cleaned, and took pleasure in shouting at my mother. Oh, and she’d give herself one of those “towel baths” in her room with the door open, which was kind of gross. I’ve long forgiven her for that. But still the nightmares come.
“I wanted more than life could ever grant me.” ~ Today, by The Smashing Pumpkins
Today is the greatest day for me. I’m going to heal. Continue reading
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, 2007
By the end of 2006, I was spiritually at one of my all-time lows. I repeatedly questioned my own existence in this world in a very “George Bailey” sort of way (James Stewart’s character in the 1946 film “It’s A Wonderful Life”), that maybe the world would be best without me. To be honest, I used to think about that pretty regularly for several years. But this time around, I had a son on the way so I snapped out of it quickly, especially after our trip to Brazil in 2007. Continue reading
Today’s 1-hr neigong sitting was monumentally difficult. Although I felt the white light vibrations grow from within and seep into me from without, I was a bit too attached to my monkey ass mind. But it was my first 1-hr sitting since my qigong workshop a few weeks ago, so I wasn’t so hard on myself. Actually, I’ve grown to rarely be hard on myself. In cultivation practice just like anything else, you’ll always have “good” days and “bad” days. Continue reading
Who am I kidding? My entire blog is based on a continuous series of flashbacks. Continue reading
“Solitude is a hard-won ally, faithful and patient.” – Henry Rollins
What a commodity. It’s refreshing and recuperating. Rejuvenating and reenergizing. It’s what keeps me sane. Continue reading
Last weekend I was down in Springfield, Missouri for another 4-day workshop with my Qigong master. It’s funny, since he hates large cities (ie Chicago), it’s always quite an excursion to go see him. He’s either a 4 hour drive to Terre Haute, Indiana, or a 9 hour drive to Springfield, Missouri. The last time I saw him, I had to take an airline to South Carolina. But the workshops are always enlightening, and I always learn something new about healing, energetics, and myself.
Mostly, I learn about myself.
This time around, this Qigong workshop taught me a lot about the energetics of emotional pain and heartache. Continue reading